Virtual Funeral | Your Practical Guide

Marilyn Dion Posted By

Virtual Funeral Services How to Guide

What is a Virtual Funeral?

Most of us have heard about, or even attended, virtual funerals by now — that is, since the pandemic began in early 2020.

Perhaps there was a place for them prior to the onset of lockdowns, mask wearing, physical distancing and limited numbers of attendees, but we didn’t realize it and certainly not to this extent.

There will still be a place for virtual funerals on the other side of the pandemic as unforeseen benefits have been discovered in its use.

A virtual funeral is fundamentally the same as a funeral with one distinct difference — it can be conducted at one location or even several, but shared online using the wonders of the Internet. You may have heard it called a virtual memorial service, a virtual celebration of life, or even a Viewneral™.

I have coined each of the ones I have had the privilege of writing and officiating as a ‘share-amony’. It is a safe, virtual space created to comfort and uplift grieving family and friends.

The ‘share-amony’ is a resting place for complicated feelings of loss and grief. By taking part while absorbing the enormity of loss, the essence of who the deceased was is captured and honoured by participants in a deeply meaningful and memorable way.

Benefit 1 of having a virtual funeral service

What are the Pros and Cons of a Virtual Funeral?

When any government issues safety protocols and directives for public health reasons that severely limits the number of people in social gatherings, families feel helpless and very much alone in their grief.

The circumstances created by the pandemic make saying goodbye to our loved ones so much more difficult and exceptionally heartbreaking.

However, technology employed with expertise and creativity can provide digital experiences that enable mourners to feel the love of family and friends. These interactive and collaborative ways of supporting each other can have surprisingly positive attributes.

Officiants and funeral homes have found innovative new ways to enable families to host a gathering for everyone who wants to support them during their difficult times of profound loss while maintaining physical distancing.

Furthermore, the recording of the service is an historical record and keepsake loved ones will cherish for years to come.

Not only can guests view the service, but they can also participate in real time. No one needs to be left out. Friends and family do not have to drive anywhere, or even remove their slippers, in order to grieve together while still staying apart.

Any remote location can be accessed if Internet service is available, by using devices such as mobile smart phones, tablets, laptops, smart TVs, or desktop computers.

There are so many possibilities and exciting benefits. Anyone in the world can attend the virtual funeral service.  They can view both the online wake and funeral without packing a suitcase, purchasing airfare, and booking a hotel. Missing work does not have to happen.

The son living in Thailand can still eulogize his father and the company CEO can easily interrupt her day for the ten minutes it will take to comment on the contribution her dedicated employee made over the years.

Most significantly, people can lean on each other and celebrate a life NOW and not have to wait until who knows when to receive the kind words and emotional support so desperately needed.

Leaning on each other, even with only virtual hugs, is an alternative that still speaks to our human heart and soul.

Remarkably, virtual funerals seem to have an even higher attendance than traditional ones.

The ease of just clicking a link to attend the online memorial service opens the window to greater participation.  The obstacles of distance, travel, expense, weather, or other physical challenges that inhibit people from attending have been removed.

Whether the virtual funeral is produced and viewed in real time, or viewed later via recordings that can be edited to perfection, the choices are there to be individualized and custom designed to the family’s preferences.

There is one big ‘con’ to my mind — nothing will ever be better than in-person hugs, shared community energy, and the sharing of refreshments together afterward.

Benefit 2 of having a virtual funeral service

Who are the Guests and Attendees?

Anyone who has been invited and has the link is a guest who can attend and participate simply by clicking the link.

Some families decide to post the virtual funeral on social media platforms like YouTube or Facebook, either live or recorded, where anyone can be an ‘attendee’ and view the funeral, as well as post comments if that function is activated.

Who are the Speakers or Participants?

The formal speakers or participants are individuals chosen by family that have a specific role to play in honouring their loved one.  As examples, they may read a meaningful passage or poem, or give a eulogy.

If a family chooses to engage a Life-Cycle Celebrant™ like myself, the ceremony is focused on the deceased’s life story, highlighting the essence of who that person was in life.

The ceremony is professionally structured to meaningfully move people through the joys of the deceased’s life and the sadness of loss.  Everyone else can participate with words of remembrance and condolences if the family chooses to allow or encourage participation.

How Can You Personalize a Virtual Funeral?

I always suggest an online wake or visitation for all guests that starts a half hour before the ceremony and finishes a half hour after in order to really personalize a virtual funeral.

Since guests want to know what is next during the funeral, creating an order of service, bulletin or program assists in communicating the ceremony structure and gives clarity as to the individual elements as they unfold.  It can also include the deceased’s obituary and a photo, making it a beautiful keepsake.

Guests can be provided an order of service, bulletin or program in a digital format.  They may choose to print it as a keepsake, so be sure to keep to keep this in mind when creating the dimensions for the document.

A ceremony can be as unique as the person’s life being celebrated.

Memories enhanced with a slide show set to music touches the hearts of guests. The life story of the person who died can focus on all the chapters of his or her life experiences and accomplishments.

As an expertly written and delivered component, (instead of, or in addition to a eulogy or homily reflecting on religious beliefs surrounding death and the afterlife), the life story becomes the focal point of the virtual funeral.

Reflections and memories shared by several people can honour and give insight into the various facets of an individual’s personality.  Music indicating the loved one’s taste can be shared. If appropriate, prayers and scripture based on beliefs held by the loved one can be recited.

An inspiring and well-chosen poem can also enhance a carefully crafted tribute.

Benefit 3 of having a virtual funeral service

How Do You Invite People to a Virtual Funeral?

Thank heavens technologically-gifted folks invented custom electronic invitations called “e-vites”!

Not only do these platforms walk you through the “how-to’s” to create and send an invitation to guests, but the applications also keep track of RSVPs and questions from recipients that a designated person can easily respond to. No postage, envelopes, or stamps are required.

However, you do get speedy delivery and the apps let you know when someone receives the e-vite or if the address is incorrect.

One of my favourite platforms is Paperless Post, but there are other options.

How to Live Stream a Virtual Funeral?

 I have found the most effective vehicle to deliver and participate in a virtual funeral in most circumstances is by using the Zoom platform.  What is great about Zoom is that the virtual funeral service can be live-streamed on either Facebook or YouTube directly from the host’s page.  Alternatively, a recording of the live event can be made to share later via e-mail or social media.

Zoom is easy to download and instructional webinars are on the website.  It’s also free for a virtual funeral service up to 40 minutes, however, I suggest purchasing the Pro version so that the time you have is unlimited.

If no one in your circle has experience hosting a virtual funeral, I would strongly suggest hiring a professional who can seamlessly run the ceremony.

Many officiants and funeral homes today are well versed in hosting virtual memorial services or have contacts who can do so.

I advise scheduling a Zoom test run a few days ahead of the funeral with people who have roles in the ceremony in order to coach the participants where required.

There are other options for hosting a virtual funeral service, such as using Facetime video chat between two Apple mobile devices. This option works best for a private ceremony using two family members’ phones.

There is also an app available on both Android and Apple phones called Periscope — the official streaming app for Twitter — which can be used for private broadcasting of funerals.  However, it requires an up-to-date phone and must be downloaded by everyone wishing to attend the virtual memorial or funeral service.

How to Attend a Virtual Funeral Service?

If the funeral home is coordinating the virtual funeral service, their website will usually provide details about how to join the service, along with a customized link to the loved one’s ceremony.

They will also usually compile a list of the attendees and provide it to the family following the service.

Funeral home hosts generally disable the microphone and video of attendees. The only interaction with the bereaved family is the ability to leave a message using the chat function of the Zoom platform. In a way, it is like signing a guest book — only virtually.

If you’re running a virtual funeral service without using a funeral home, processes will vary depending on the platform you chose to use.

If you use Zoom, for example, instructions will be included in the invitation.  A link is sent to everyone invited and, at the designated time, clicking on the link enables the virtual visitor to enter a Zoom waiting room.

I suggest starting the process 10 to 15 minutes ahead of time in order to avoid technical hurdles, or to have time to solve them if they arise.

The host will admit mourners into the virtual room.  When I host a virtual “share-amony,” people see each other and can talk to one another after they are admitted, up until the ceremony begins.

During this pre-ceremony time, I provide basic instructions and explain how we will proceed, as well as answer any questions.

Anyone who speaks is highlighted by the Zoom program automatically, but once the ceremony begins, I use the spotlight function to emphasize and put all eyes on the person speaking.

Interestingly, if the record option is utilized, Zoom only records people who are speaking or singing.  Therefore, the privacy of attendees who aren’t actively participating is maintained.

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What is the Etiquette for a Virtual Funeral?

Just like with an in-person traditional funeral, the first rule of good etiquette is to not be late!

Technology can be tricky to set up, so aim to be early in case you need some help with your device.

It is a good idea to close all other programs on your device for two reasons. First, you will get a better connection and thereby enjoy higher video resolution and sound quality.  Second, you will give your focused attention to honouring the deceased.

You may be seen on screen, so choose your location and clothing carefully.  Be mindful of the background, distractions, lighting, and the noise levels in your room.  Wear appropriate clothing, especially from the waist up.

Examples of Virtual Funerals

Life-Cycle Celebrants™ are highly-trained professional officiants who guide and collaborate with grieving families.

They are dedicated to outside-of-the-box thinking, innovative ceremony creation, and honouring clients’ beliefs and values.

I remember my experience attending a virtual funeral as a guest.  The ceremony itself was conducted at a funeral home and a small number of immediate family members were physically present at the location.

Guests were told to go the funeral home’s website and click on a link at a certain time.

The only functionality available to guests during the ceremony was the chance to type out words of condolence in a chat box.  A designated family member ‘liked’ the comments or answered with short phrases.

The only person on camera was the officiant.  Without seeing any familiar faces, I found the experience to be cold, empty and impersonal.

People need to feel connected and acknowledged during grief, especially when there are barriers preventing in-person attendance.

Though nothing can replace hugging, real shoulders to cry on, and being in a physical room with family and friends, virtual funerals bridge the gap until large numbers of in-person gatherings become a reality once again.

Virtual funerals are no less real. An expression of remembrance guided by an expert Life-Cycle Celebrant™ acknowledges what is important to the family in saying goodbye in the most meaningful of ways.

An example of a Zoom funeral that I wrote and officiated exuded personal connection.

People were thrilled to be able to see each other and comfort the family with their words and expressions — a virtual receiving line.

The ceremony I co-created with the widow included a slide show with music, testimonials from several speakers, screen sharing of a word cloud, rituals of chocolate sharing and candle lighting by each attendee.

All of these personalized elements enveloped the custom-written life story of the 59 year-old husband who had died suddenly, with genuine love.

Several people who witnessed the entire event wrote me letters of thanks, including a sister of the widow who wrote: “[T]hank you for conducting such an amazing celebration of John’s life. Oddly enough, it felt much more personal than an in-person service and paid such a heartfelt tribute to John. Thank you for doing it and for doing it so marvelously with so much feeling and sincerity.”

With perceptions like that, I believe virtual funerals done the right way are here to stay, even after the pandemic is over.

Benefit 4 of having a virtual funeral service

About the Author

Marilyn Dion is a highly-experienced Life-Cycle Celebrant living in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada and the owner of Woven Words Ceremonies.  She has also been a Canada East Alumni Mentor for the Celebrant Foundation & Institute.

To learn more about Marilyn and her special skills, please see her profile on Love Lives On.

If you need help planning a virtual funeral service, reach out to Marilyn today on Marilyn_Dion@msn.com or at (905) 515-9285.

No matter where in the world you are living, she’d be happy to assist you with creating a ceremony that your loved one deserves.