How to Write a Eulogy and Speak Like a Pro

Wondering how to write a eulogy or how to give a eulogy in front of a congregation when you dread public speaking?

Don’t worry.  We’ve got you covered on both fronts.

This Ultimate Guide to Eulogies provides a step-by-step action plan on how to write a eulogy that is both touching and meaningful.

We also provide practical tips on how to give a eulogy with a peaceful, commanding presence, even if you aren’t an experienced public speaker.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

• How to Write a Eulogy in Six Steps
• How to Write a Eulogy Infographic
• How to Give a Eulogy When You’re Nervous
• How Love Lives On Can Help

How to Write a Eulogy in Six Steps

Writing a eulogy can feel very overwhelming, which is why we’ve created this easy-to-follow step-by-step guide on how to write a eulogy.

(1) Brainstorm Ideas for the Eulogy

Before you start writing a eulogy, brainstorm ideas for points to include in your speech and get organized.

(i) Gather Material and Stories that You Might be Able to Use in the Eulogy

Gather biographical information about the deceased.  (For example: date and place of birth; name of relatives; date of marriage; career achievements; etc.)

Speak with family members and friends that knew the deceased well for stories or insights about the deceased.  They will be happy to be included in the process.

All the various stories that you hear might help you create a central theme in the eulogy (for example, the deceased’s constant kindness).

(ii) Organize Your Ideas

When it comes to how to write a eulogy, an important element is the flow.  It should be logical, meaning, it makes sense to people listening to the eulogy.

Organize the information and stories you gathered using the order outlined in the eulogy template below.

Write a checklist of all the points you wish to make within each section of the eulogy template.

(iii) Consider How Much Humour is Appropriate to Use in the Eulogy

If done tastefully, adding a bit of humour to a eulogy can help convey the personality of the deceased.

You should note, however, that the amount of humour that is appropriate ultimately depend on the circumstances surrounding the death of the deceased.

If a child met an untimely death, the eulogy should take on a more serious tone than if you are giving a eulogy about a grandparent or parent who lived a long and happy life.

(iv) Review Examples of Eulogies

If you struggle with how to write a eulogy when you’re in a state of emotional turbulence, may we suggest that you read eulogy examples.

Doing so may help you feel inspired and help you to mentally focus on the task at hand.

You may also find lines and phrases in the eulogy examples that resonate with you and that you can borrow.

Eulogy examples are also useful in helping you understand how the information that you present should flow.

(2) Write the Eulogy’s Introduction

In the opening statement of the eulogy — the 1st paragraph of the eulogy — acknowledge why everybody is gathered, (ie. to celebrate the life of the deceased and to say goodbye).

Here are examples on how to write a eulogy that incorporates a strong opening statement:

• “We are here today to celebrate the life of John Doe, and to say goodbye to a wonderful man.” OR
• “We are gathered here today to remember the life of John Doe, and celebrate what he meant to us all.”

In the next line, introduce yourself and explain your relationship to the deceased.  

As examples:

• “For those of you whom I haven’t yet had the pleasure of meeting, I am Paul Doe, the youngest brother of John.” OR
• “For anybody that doesn’t know me, my name is Todd Smith.  I was John’s best friend for over thirty years.”

Next, thank the funeral guests for attending the service.  You might make a special mention of anybody who travelled from far away.  

As examples:

• “I would like to thank you all for coming here today to mourn the loss of John with me and his family.” OR
• “I would like to thank you all for coming here today to mourn the loss of John, with special thanks to the Glenn family who travelled all the way from their home in New Zealand.”

(3) Write a Short Biography of the Deceased’s Life

For paragraphs 2 to 5 of the eulogy, give the funeral guests a short overview about the deceased’s life by using this template:

First discuss when and where the deceased was born, who was in his or her birth family, significant family events, and any other interesting family details. 

Here are examples on how to write a eulogy that includes important biographical details of the deceased’s life:

• “John was born on December 12, 1952, in the small town of Smithville, Idaho.  His parents, Wilma and Fred Smith, settled in the town in 1939 and were corn farmers.  John was the oldest of five boys, Fred, Lincoln, Garry and Paul.  The family suffered a devastating loss in 1960 when Lincoln died from polio.”
• “Jane was born in Auckland, New Zealand, on June 12, 1972.  She was the youngest of three children.  Her older sisters, Mary and Ann, travelled from New Zealand to be with us here today.  Their parents, Mike and Hannah, moved to New Zealand in 1962 when Mike was offered a promotion with the electrical company.”

Next, mention other birth family members that the deceased was particularly close to, and any special memories.  

Here are examples on how to write a eulogy that includes further biographical details:

• “John was especially close to his grandfather, Brian Doe.  He always spoke fondly of all the weekends they would spend fishing together on the Chelsea river.  His grandfather also bought him his first car, a red Chevy, which he proudly drove around town, until the night when he and his three buddies crashed it into a tree.  His grandfather’s only comment was:  “Better the tree go than your skull.”
• “Jane was especially close to her cousin, Ashley, as they were the same age and virtually next door neighbours.  They spent many happy hours in their tree house and riding their horse, Marigold.”

Next, if the deceased was married at the time of his or her death, talk about his or her spouse. Also mention any children and grandchildren.  

Here are examples on how to write a eulogy that acknowledges family members that were closest to the deceased:

• “John first met Linda at university in 1969 where they were both enrolled in the teaching program.   I had the privilege of being a groomsman at their wedding a year later.  John always said that marrying Linda was the best decision he ever made.  Together, they had three beautiful children, Rowen, Alexis and Holly.”
• “Jane was happily married to Graeme for 10 years.  They were thrilled to welcome twin girls Sally and Jessica four years ago.  Jane’s death has left a huge void in all of their lives, and they miss her very much.”

(4) Include Special Memories, Stories, and Qualities of the Deceased in the Eulogy

After you have covered important biographical information about the deceased you may then introduce personal stories or memories about him or her.

For paragraphs 6 to 9 of the eulogy, share your thoughts on what you’ll remember the most about your loved one who passed away.

You can use some humour here, if you wish.  But be careful to use humour that is appropriate for the occasion and that others will find tasteful.

Here are examples on how to write a eulogy that incorporates special memories or personal stories:

• “My dad would always volunteer to be the coach for our football team.  We loved going camping and fishing with him on the weekends, though we spent more time joking around than actually catching any fish.  Family was the most important thing to my dad.  He would always say, “Family will always be there to watch your back, so be nice to your brothers!”
• “My sister Jane was a huge animal lover.  She had many pets and volunteered her time at the local animal shelter.  We would always joke that she can never wear black without being covered by cat hair.”
• “My favourite memory of James is the time we took a road trip across the country together.  Our goal was to get across the country within one week.  However, the trip ended up taking two weeks because John had brought with him an out-of-date map, and we ended up taking the longest route possible.  Or, as James liked to put it, the “scenic” route.  James was always a positive person and found the best in every situation.”

Next, discuss how the deceased spent his or her time.

Here are examples on how to write a eulogy that incorporates the deceased’s life achievements, talents, hobbies and passions:

• “Mary was a pediatric doctor for over 30 years.  She was a wonderful mentor for many students, many of whom I see sitting in the congregation today.  Many people don’t know that Mary would volunteer her time and energy working with inner city kids on weekends.  Mary was generous and selfless, which was reflected in all that she did.”
• “Steve owned his own mechanic’s business for over 20 years with loyal customers.  He was known as a trust-worthy business man and a fair boss.  When he wasn’t at the shop, he liked to fix classic cars and show them off at car shows.”

Finally, discuss the special qualities of the deceased — e.g. kind, funny, smart, selfless, generous, out-going.

Here are examples on how to write a eulogy that incorporates the deceased’s nature and attributes.

• “Anyone who knew Sandra knew that she never took life too seriously.  She was always pulling pranks and cracking jokes.  April Fool’s Day was her favourite day of the year.  I will never forget the time that Sandra flipped all the photos hanging in my house upside-down – every single one!  Months later we were still finding random photos that were still hanging upside-down.”
• “Andrea had the kindest heart.  She could never walk past a homeless person on the street without given the person a couple of dollars and a few words of encouragement.  Her friends and family would turn to her in times of trouble because she knew how to make you feel supported.”

The best eulogies tell lots of stories as stories are the way that we remember loved ones and keep their memories alive even after they are gone.

Audiences connect with stories more than facts and figures.

Stories will help the congregation relate to the person being honoured and gives them greater insight into the kind of person they were.

Use stories that everybody can appreciate, rather than stories than involve some type of inside joke between a few people, or a “you had to be there” kind-of-story.

When preparing your eulogy, you should talk to family members and friends about their special memories of the deceased.

They may also have some interesting or funny stories that you could use in the eulogy.

Even if you can’t use all of the suggestions from family and friends, (as a eulogy should be 10 minutes at most), sharing stories helps the grieving process.

Some guidebooks on how to write a eulogy advise against using humour because there is a danger that you could cause embarrassment or offence.

At Love Lives On, we feel that a touch of humour adds character to a eulogy, provided that the humour is gentle and in good taste.

Funny anecdotes can offer insight into the character of the person that passed away, and help the audience reflect on the good times.

However, it is critical that you choose the right anecdotes.  We cannot stress this point enough!  As a general rule of thumb, do not attempt to be funny about:

• The situation:  For example:  “The only time we get to see you folks is when another old timer in our family has died.”  Trust us, nobody is going to find this remark funny, only uncomfortable.
• Aspects of the deceased’s life that he/she was embarrassed about or that aren’t flattering:  For example:  “We had to get a bigger hall for this funeral service because we couldn’t fit in all of Tammy’s ex-husbands.”  It’s not a great idea to poke fun at the deceased.
• How the person died:  In case this one isn’t obvious to you, it’s a terrible idea to mention how the person died at all your eulogy, let alone make light of it.  Any mention of the manner of death is likely to send an already emotional situation into overdrive.

For any funny anecdotes you plan to use, it would be wise to run them pass a couple of trusted family members or friends first.

You want to check, and double check, that your stories don’t cause shame or distress for your loved ones.

It would be a shame to ruin the whole eulogy with one, ill-conceived story that went too far.

(5) Close the Eulogy With Words of Comfort and a Final Goodbye

When it comes to how to write a eulogy, the closing remarks are vital.

For paragraph 10 of the eulogy — the final paragraph — give the congregation some words of comfort to dwell on.

Talk about the lessons that the deceased taught you and how he or she impacted your life.   

Here are examples on how to write a eulogy that have a strong closing statement:

• “Emily taught me to work hard, be kind to others, and never take life too seriously.  Her humour, selflessness and kindness will continue to inspire those who had the privilege of knowing her.”
• “Greg taught me that a loyal friend is worth more than anything in the world.  He was always there for us, not matter what. We were all so lucky to have such a great guy in our corner.”

Then close your eulogy by saying goodbye to the deceased.

You could address your comments either to the audience, or to the deceased.  

Here are examples on how to write a eulogy that poignantly express the sentiment that you are saying goodbye to the deceased:

• “We all loved Mary very much and will miss her dearly.  She touched so many lives.   Because of Mary, I will live my life the way that she taught me to, to work hard, to be kind to others, and to not take myself too seriously.  Her humour, kindness and selflessness will continue to forever inspire those of us who were lucky enough to know her.”  OR
• “Goodbye, dear sweet Mary.  We all loved you very much and will miss you tremendously.  You touched so many lives.   Because of you, I will live my life the way that you taught me to, to work hard, to be kind to others, and and to not take myself too seriously.  Your humour, kindness and selflessness will continue to inspire us forever.  Rest in peace, darling Mary.”

(6) Proofread the Eulogy

You need to proofread your eulogy a couple of times to ensure that all the information is correct and that it strikes the right tone.

It would be best to have a trusted family member or friend check it for you also to ensure that the facts are correct, that your humour is not too much, and that it is well written.

You should also consider how long it will take to deliver the eulogy on the day of the service.  A good length for a eulogy is 3 to 5 minutes (10 minutes max).

With a longer speech you risk loosing your audience’s attention, (an important consideration when it comes to how to write a eulogy!)

Instead of droning on and on, focus on making a couple of key points about the person that passed away and what they meant to you.

Step 1:  Practice How to Give a Eulogy

Here is our best advice when it comes to practicing a eulogy so that you can feel confident walking up to the pulpit or rostrum when it is your turn to speak.

Here are the “A, B, C’s” of practicing how to give a Eulogy

Here are the “A, B, C’s” of how to give a eulogy when you’re feeling nervous.

(a)  Accept that the Eulogy Won’t Be Perfect (and That’s Okay!)

Remember that you are speaking in front of family members and close friends who are grieving the same loss as you are, so they don’t expect you to be perfect!

Everyone will be grateful that you have undertaken the task that many would be unable to face.

Everyone who is there and listening to you speak are there to remember the person who has passed away, not to judge your public speaking skills.

It’s not as if they are keeping a mental score of how well you are doing or how effective your speaking abilities are.

What is the worst that could happen?

Even if you lose track of your train of thought, or you get choked up and need to pause and take a few deep breaths, no one in attendance is judging you.

If you are secretly worried with how to give a eulogy that’s “good enough,” the truth is that people understand how difficult the task is.

In fact, they are most likely admiring your strength in that moment.

(b)  Be Yourself

You likely had a very close relationship with the deceased, which is why you were chosen to the deliver the eulogy.

It is that relationship, and what that relationship meant to you, that should shine through in your eulogy.

When it comes to how to give a eulogy that resonates with the congregation, focus on authenticity rather than perfection.

Don’t try to speak to the listeners in a formal public speaking tone.  Talk to them like they are all your friends.

Be yourself and your speech will come across as genuine, heartfelt and warm.

(c)  Connect With the Congregation through Eye Contact

In addition to being yourself and using a conversational style of talking during your eulogy, you can connect with the congregation through eye contact.

Eye contact will make everyone in attendance feel as though you are talking to each and everyone of them individually.

They will connect far more with you and your words if your eyes are scanning the room throughout your eulogy instead of staring down at your notes the whole time.

When practicing how to give a eulogy before the day of the service, don’t just focus on practicing the words and your speaking tone.

Also practicing looking around the room so that you will reflexivity do so when the time comes.

(d)  Don’t Rush

The last practical tip for how to give a eulogy is to speak slowly.

It is natural when you are nervous to speak faster than normal, in an attempt to get through it as quickly as possible.  

Phrases will lose impact because you are rushing. The audience won’t have the necessary time to absorb and digest your key points.

Slowing down will make you seem far more poised and confident.  It will also give you time to gather your thoughts, and present your speech in a clear manner.

At the top of any notes you might take to the podium, write yourself a reminder to:

S-L-O-W  D-O-W-N!

Summary of How to Give a Eulogy

Before the day of the funeral service, you need to:

• Practice your eulogy as much as possible out loud

• Read it to a trust family member or friend and get feedback

• Time how long the eulogy is.  It should be 5 to 10 minutes in length.

Immediately before you get up to the pulpit or rostrum to speak, you should:

• Get a glass of water to take with you to the pulpit

• While you are getting the glass of water, do the deep breathing exercise for 5 minutes

When you are at the pulpit or rostrum, you should:

• Take a couple of deep breaths or a sip water before getting started

• Speak slowly – don’t rush

• Speak authentically – be yourself

• Gaze around the audience – don’t stare down at your notes the whole time

• Tell stories about the deceased, but avoid stories that would be embarrassing for the deceased or their family

• Relax – nobody expects you or your eulogy to be perfect

How Love Lives On Can Help

We hope you found this Ultimate Guide on how to write a eulogy – and how to give a eulogy in front of a congregation when you dread public speaking – both useful and reassuring.

We know that losing a loved one is a difficult experience.

Our mission at Love Lives On is to make your life a little easier by providing you with the best information online.

We are also dedicated to connecting you with caring and skilled professionals in your local area who are ready to help you today.

For example, if you are struggling with grief, visit Love Lives On’s Business Directory to find an amazing therapist in your local area who can offer advice and support.

Our Business Directory is dedicated to helping you find the very best end-of-life professionals, including grief counsellors, funeral homes, monuments makers, florists, celebrants, estate lawyers, and so much more.

Businesses with Featured Listings in our directory – the comprehensive listings that appear at the top of search results with photos, reviews, and map directions – have all been carefully vetted by our team so that you don’t have to take on this laborious task.

Unlike other directories, joining Love Lives On is by invitation only.  We work with an exclusive list of businesses.  You can trust that businesses with Featured Listings meet the highest standards for quality, professionalism and reliability.

Finally, on behalf of all of us at Love Lives On, please accept our deepest condolences for your loss.

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